To the one my heart was predestined to love,
How long I have been waiting and praying for you, even without seeing your face or knowing your name. Questions have endlessly flooded my mind throughout the years.
- Do I know you?
- Have I seen you before?
- When will I meet you?
- What will it be like seeing you for the first time?
- Will it be love at first sight?
Years I have waited patiently for the Lord to send you into my life, yet I have not always been strong. In one moment, I grew tired and weary of waiting and became distracted with another. I figured, “It was the Lord!” I thought, “What’s the harm? What if He’s the one and I miss it or mess it up?” I didn’t ask for the Lord’s guidance or wisdom and my heart was broken.
I ignored the Lord’s warnings and my heart, and was guided by my feelings/emotions and my fears of being alone. My heart was broken and I believed that there was no repair. I lost joy and couldn’t see purpose in life itself anymore, let alone the energy to love and have compassion to reach out to friends and family. I lost all hope that you might never come and I fell into a pit of despair.
But God’s love is deeper than any pit!
I thought that I would never be able to forgive him for using my heart as a stomping ground, but because of God’s love, I have.
Ever since I was a little girl, I have been a dreamer of fairy tales and of finding true love. I imagined love would be like Belle, who saw beneath the monster and found a heart of gold. But in reality, it is harder to tell the difference between the prince and the monster; like a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I imagined love would be like Anna, who after years of being sheltered in a castle would stumble upon her prince and live happily ever after. But not all princes come riding white horses. True love sometimes comes riding a reindeer and carrying an ice pick. How can one see the toad in the prince, and the prince in the commoner?
Love isn’t fairy tale perfect and Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. For too long I dreamt a dream of what love could be like, rather than focusing on what LOVE already did for me! I focused or dreamt of love based off of fiction, rather than in faith. Love isn’t flaunting, playing games, lying, breaking hearts, or even a scene from a perfect movie; that’s lust. Love is patient, kind, and long suffering.
God gave me a new heart to forgive, to forget, and to have hope again. Therefore, I have and continue everyday to submit every care, emotion, feeling, and dream to God.
Daily, I resist the devil, his lies, and schemes.
Daily, I refuse to allow the devil to steal my joy, to destroy my dreams, and to kill my hope because they aren’t based on anything this world can offer or even take.
Jesus has given me a new heart to love others, whether I am loved in return. To forgive, even if I get spite back. To give even if I get none back.
I choose to wait. I choose to dream. I choose to hope. I choose joy. And I choose to live this precious life for Jesus. My worth isn’t based on what anyone can give me, but in Jesus.
Don’t worry about “completing” me…I’m already complete and confident in Jesus! Together, we will be like a flame set ablaze for the Lord to send forth and to rekindle the flame less pits of human hearts. To awake revival in the youth. To bring joy to the old. And to love those who’ve only known fear and hate.
I’m not perfect. I don’t have flawless skin, a tiny waist, perfect hair, or a cute sense of humor. I have bad days, I mess up, I’m weird, I laugh like a hyperventilating seal, and I embarrass myself far too often. Yet in all this, I know that though neither of us will ever be perfect, we are perfect for one another.
I still dream and waiting isn’t wasting. The Lord is working in me as I know and pray that He is working in you! The Lord has set me free from being guided by feelings and fears, but now walking in faith that when the time comes…I won’t have to do anything except trust God and to be my complete and utter ridiculous self. Love isn’t based on my abilities but in Whose I am! I’m Jesus’ first.
He has set me free and finally after so long…I feel like myself again! I love again and I have hope again!
Even if it takes forever, I’m here waiting. I’m not sitting on my hands, but with my hands open and waiting for the Lord to take them and use them.
I cannot wait for what the Lord has in store, yet all I can do is to remain faithful to you, my love and to trust God patiently and joyfully.
With the love that the Lord has given and bid me,